i can't log into my bank account to look at how much money i have. so...i don't know how much money i have, and with my spending habits, that's kinda scary. i've already blown through half of my $10,000 loan in less than three months. FUCK. i feel so guilty and irresponsible.

okay. logged in. i'm like..80 dollars away from the $5,000 mark.

how depressing.

i have a second appointment with my new therapist tomorrow. the first appointment went well. i haven't upped my meds yet, so i don't really feel better yet, mentally.

a list of things i've done this week (since my first appointment) that i feel good about (and i refuse to let criticisms make me feel bad about these things making me feel good, dammit!):
- i took out the trash at least three times and refused to let it overflow
- cleaned the bathroom
- cleaned the kitchen
- cleaned my room
- uploaded 100s of photos from my camera
- worked for 10 hours today on extremely late notice
- haven't spent a ton of money (oh, except for $150 at american apparel exactly a week ago....)
- tried to be nice(r) to people
- washed the dishes (mine AND everyone else's) x3!
- decided to stop talking to someone who just isn't right for me
- said goodbye to my dog and am at peace with it, finally

on a final note,
i've set an alarm in my phone for tomorrow morning, upon which i'm hoping i'll have the energy to wake up, get up, get going, and go take a few mile walk or jog (i don't run, remember?) on the track at west campus.


  1. maybe I'll be on campus when you're walking because I have class at 10:30!!1
    maybe i'll see you and root for you out the CABS bus window!

  2. it's ok, katels. i'll be fine. it was just unexpected and she was only 57 and my poor dad.
    blah :(

    off that subject though - i didn't say "and i." i said "andi." andi is moving in next door to me!